This morning we did a Christmas version of American Idiots, where we get title suggestions from you, and then we have 45 minutes to write an original song. The songs are usually TERRIBLE, but this morning they were pretty good! Several people asked for copies of the lyrics, so here they are! (Warning: some of the lyrics are a bit...unsavory. Per usual.)
BRETT FAVRE, THE OLD MAN
(by Crisco, to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")
Brett Favre, the old man was as old as he is slow
With his phone held tight 'bout to strike a pose, then he sent out his North Pole
Brett Favre, the old man, his decisions always sway.
He refuses to go, did I mention he's slow? He's about to endorse Bengay.
This season has been tragic cuz he's always on the groundIn fact, they often confuse him for dead, until he would fart and frown.
Oh, Brett Favre the old man, what a burden he can be.
Even his children say, "You look old today. Shoulda quit at 33."
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump Did I mention he was old?
Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump Over the hill we know!
I WANNA KILL MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AT CHRISTMAS
(by Lena, to the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer")
I wanna kill my mother-in-law at Christmas
I'm gonna lay her ****** out on the road
You can say it's vigilante justice
But Jesus Christ, that woman's gotta go.
She's been ripping on my marriage
She hates the way I style my hair
But when she's not paying attention I'm gonna lace my boots and kick her down the stairs.
When they finally find her body Under the snow, stuffed in a bag
Me and the family won't be nearby We'll be at Disney World without that ******y hag.
I wanna kill my mother-in-law at Christmas
I'm gonna lay her ****** out on the road
You can say it's vigilante justice
But Jesus Christ, that woman's gotta go.
I WANT A PEARL NECKLACE FOR CHRISTMAS
(by Dave Ryan, to the tune of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas")
I want a pearl necklace for Christmas
A pair of Arabian Goggles won't do
Don't want an Abe Lincoln or a tea bag againI want a pearl necklace just below my chin I want a pearl necklace for Christmas
I've been asking Santa to bring one to my place
I can see me on my back, lying in the sack
While Santa puts a pearl necklace just below my face I can see me now just after when he takes a picture of it all
Oh what joy and a surprise when I look onto the web
And see the picture on his Facebook wall I want a pearl necklace for Christmas
A pair of Arabian Goggles won't do
Don't want an Abe Lincoln or a tea bag againI want a pearl necklace just below my chin
And Steve-O's song was so offensive, we couldn't air it. It's called "I'm Dreaming of a White Woman." He started singing it, and we had to dump him and stop him from singing. Here are the lyrics, with all of the offensive parts starred out. Which is most of the song. :)
I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE WOMAN
(by Steve, to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas")
I'm dreaming of a white woman,
If the ***** got ***** it ain't for me
If the girl ** ******,
I will *** **** herI can't help that my ***** only ***** ******
I'm dreaming of a white woman
Cuz **** *** girls just won't do....
May the girls who want me, look like ******
Cuz I need all my *** ******* to be *****.
Um...Happy Holidays...?
